The 12WBT is only in pre-season; I'm trying to use this time to really get in the right headspace and iron out any hiccups. Mostly working on the food, because with my partner away and school not back for another week and a half, it's hard to get any exercise more strenuous than just walking and playing with the kids. I pulled out the Wii Fit for 40 minutes, but still only burned just under 200 calories - it just really doesn't burn that many.
So, what are my biggest issues with food?
First things first
Breakfast. Even when I was very fit as a teen, breakfast was an issue for me. I don't like the typical easy breakfast foods (cereal, toast) and I just don't feel like eating in the morning. I'm one of those people that could go right through until about 2pm hardly eating anything - of course the problem there is firstly that my metabolism wasn't getting kick-started, and secondly that I ate heaps at night to make up for it.
I'm working on it. I have my breakfasts planned, and I will make them, even though that means getting up earlier. I'll pick a couple that are easiest for me, and use them over and over. If all else fails, I'll boil an egg and grab a piece of fruit.
I suffer from social anxiety. I am one of those people who hangs out by the food table at a gathering, because if I'm eating, I don't have to talk to people. Plus, the people I socialise with make awesome food, and most of it is healthy-ish, in that it's home-made from real, wholefood ingredients. Healthy in small doses, not if I eat five of those muffins even if they *are* made with wholemeal flour, nuts and minimal sugar.
What am I going to do about it? I haven't worked that out yet. I guess it is time to push beyond that comfort zone, to stay away from the food table and work on striking up conversations.
Fear of failure
I don't want to say "I am changing the way I eat", or "I am going to lose weight", because what if I don't? Everyone will know I've failed!
This blog is that work in progress! I've told my partner and some friends that I am doing this. Hopefully that is enough.
It all comes down to this in the end
Night times are my downfall. I am - no, wait, I was, an emotional eater. All the stresses add up and when I finally get all the children to bed, that is MY time, and I need to reward myself ... by eating. Eating the things that I don't want the children to eat or to see me eating.
Well, while my partner is away, there won't be any late-night shop runs to buy junk, so if there's no junk in the house, I can't eat it. It's not as simple as that, because I could eat six pieces of toast and that would still be a bad thing. Hell, I have a Thermomix, I could make custard in seven minutes with virtually no effort.
But, I won't. I just won't.
Tonight I hopped on the Wii instead. So, even if I only burned 200 calories, I didn't take any in, which is a huge thing for me. I have a deadline on Friday morning so it's not bedtime yet, but I will not eat. I am not hungry (that is the truth! It's all habit).